Today at lunch I went miniature golfing with my boy Jakey. I have always wanted to be a good golfer. Every time I go, I am renewed with insane optimism that today will be the day. Today will be the day when I finally have a good round. Never mind the fact that I haven’t changed anything since the last round. I’m so full of this false hope until I hit my first shot. There the ball flies in the complete opposite direction I thought I was aiming—that’s not how I didn’t practice it. Reality is cold sometimes and so is the lake where my golf ball now sits.
There are many things wonderful about golf. But at the end of the day, it is just a game. Often times at the golf course a thickness of things important sacrificed is in the air. I want to crave substance. Things that will give me joy when I finish the round of life.
May God bless me never to forget how Jakey smiled today. Tonight I end the day still an average golfer, but maybe just maybe I am one shot closer to becoming a great dad.
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2 comments:
AHHH, sweet!
I realize you wrote that over two years ago, but I just want to comment. Your sorrowful thinking during golf (a beautiful pastime out in nature!) And during some quality time with your son (pure joy for him, I'm sure!) Sounds so similar to how I trudge through my days too.
So I wanted to make a connection with you, depression can make us feel cloudy on the sunniest days, and can make us feel gloom even when we're with the most significant people to us.
You sound like a perfectionist. You really wanted to golf well that day, but you got so. Down on yourself. I want to say, "Relax! Just have fun! Don't take it so seriously." But I am the same way at mini golf, even with my joyful children who just wanna have fun, but I take the game too seriously and spoil everyone's fun.
Breathe. Wiggle your toes. (I've heard that treats on-the-spot depression, it works for me! Try it :) ) Let's put our faces to the sunshine. Hold our children close. Be thankful. Breathe.
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