I can't believe it's been 5 years since I last wrote. I'm not sure why I stopped I just know I want to start again. So much has happened the last 5 years and I won't attempt to sum it up in a post. Eventually the important events will come up in my mind and I will write about them.
This post goes to my Kylee. My other children that may read this don't worry your turn will come. Kylee is 16 now. And I find myself an old man. I will be 40 this year. I'm really struggling with that concept which I will write about at a later date. 40? Are you kidding me? Back to Kylee. Where did the time go? Where did my little girl go that wanted to play barbies with me and give her horsey rides? It all just slowly slipped away.
I know that I often get in the way of our relationship. You aren't little miss innocent in this equation but I will take most of the blame I'm the adult(Actually I'm just a kid in an old man's body). I get frustrated a lot. I'm the dad who gets frustrated...and I'm...sorry(name the movie?). I think it boils down to fear. Fear of me failing as a parent. Fear of you making the wrong choices. Fear of people hurting you. Fear of seeing you sad. Fear of you missing out. I should understand that fear is the absence of faith. But fear is also an indicator of how much you love something or someone. The deep love, the love you can't possibility understand at your age, that I have for you is also the root cause of my struggles as a parent.
I want to carry you on my back. Hop on Ky Ky and daddy will take you wherever you want to go. I will wade through the deepest, coldest river for you. I will walk through the darkest forest and safely see you through. I wish I could carry you on my back through it all. Through all of life's challenges. But life isn't set up that way.
Amongst my frustrations, my imperfect parenting in general, please know this. I will always love you. I will always be here for you. I will be your biggest fan. As you begin to wade the waters of life know that I know you will make it. You will figure out how to get to the other side. One day we will all be on the other side of the river where the grass is green and the sun is shinning. There will be no more fear, just peace and joy. There will be us, all of us, where time can no longer slip away.
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